Confusion
by a random Killjoy
Summary: "You didn't kiss me back," he whispered turning away and leaving the room.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Confusion **

**Rating: ****T**  
><strong>Spoilers: <strong>**there aren't any**

**Characters**: L, Light

**Summary: **"You didn't kiss me back," he whispered turning away and leaving the room.

**Disclaimer:****don't own the characters nor Death Note nor anything except the idea of the fanfic**

**Author Note: ****That's my first fanfic... EVER ! So it probably sucks /feel yourself warned/**

**Author:**___**a random Killjoy**_

****"I love you so much," I whispered. My heart was racing. What have I done? How could I be so careless. Maybe he didn't notice my words.

"You know that this still bothers me," Light said with his firm voice. "Talking to cake is not healthy. Some people might think that you are crazy, or worse- they might think that you're talking to them."

_But I was talking to you, Light, _I wanted to say, but I didn't. He could never know that I love him, and I would never let him know. I wouldn't bare the rejection. What's more, I, the greatest detective in the world, L, could not let myself be bothered by feelings, especially my feelings. They were too complicated and confusing, and I had better things to worry about like the Kira case. I knew that Light was guilty, but couldn't I prove it.

"Have you ever been in love, L?" Light suddenly asked returning me to reality. I was shocked, and I could see that he noticed that. His gaze didn't let go of mine. His honey-colored eyes stared at me for a couple of minutes. They distracted me, and I couldn't think of anything. His look was questioning almost pleading for my answer. 

"Why are you asking such questions? ... Unless you are Kira, and you want to distract me from the case with this attempt of bonding. You think that if we become friends, you're going to be out of suspicion. Moreover, you would have personal information about me which would make you in a better position when you are accused of being Kira because you could hurt everyone that's important for me as your revenge!" I stated while thanking to myself for being so creative. 

Light looked at me, his eyes were filled with determination ….and hurt? Maybe I imagined it because the hurt wasn't there anymore. 

"You haven't answered." I couldn't believe it. Why did he want my answer so bad ? 

"Why does my answer matter so much for you?" I asked. 

"Because it does!" he almost yelled. Was I missing something ? Why was he so angry? 

"I cannot find the _rational_ reason for you wanting my answer so bad..." I couldn't finish because he angrily said: "_LOVE ISN'T RATIONAL !_"

Before fully understanding what had happened, I felt his warm hands on my neck pulling me furiously, followed by his soft lips crashing into mine. Our kiss lasted a couple of seconds before Light pulled away slightly blushing. I looked at him confused by his actions, when I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"You didn't kiss me back," he whispered turning away and leaving the room.

_**What had just happened? **_


	2. Chapter 2

'Cake,' was the only thought that echoed in L's head. 'I really need cake...'

He moved slowly towards the kitchen still confused about what had happened only moments ago. Just before he entered, he noticed Light. The brown haired man looked at L. For a moment there, the greatest detective in the world thought that he saw hurt in Kira's eyes.

"Are you alright?" L whispered.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Light couldn't admit that every part of his body screamed with pain, every cell of his being could feel his heart breaking, every hope that he had ever had, burned his soul. The pain was too much for most people to bare, but Kira wasn't most people. His face was blank, there wasn't even the slightest sign of any emotions. However, inside he was screaming. 'Nothing will happen between us...' the thought already settled in his mind was ruining him, rotting his already rotten soul, eating him alive.

L wanted to say that everything was going to be Okay, that someday Light will find someone who will truly love him, and L wanted to be that someone with all his heart, but the raven-haired man didn't have the courage even to look Light in the eyes.

"You are Kira..." the words made their way from L's mouth, stabbing Light in the heart.

Light couldn't believe what he heard, and L couldn't believe what he said. Cold silence filled the air. It seemed like no-one could move, speak or breath as if they could brake the quietness into little sharp pieces that would pierce ones' soul. The next moment their eyes met. The atmosphere suddenly changed- the temperature because higher, electricity traveled through the air, their heartbeats were so loud that it seemed that you had to yell in order somebody else to hear you...

Light wanted to scream, to run, to hide, to be as far as possible from L and his words, which burned like acid. 'How can I love someone so heartless?' he thought. However, a weak smile appeared on his face "Prove it..."

"Good night, Light-kun."

"Good night L," and with that the hurt man walked out of the room.

**ᴥ†ᴥ**

The black-eyed detective was sitting in the main room. The light from the screens made his skin look paler than snow. A plate with a half-eaten piece of cake was placed on his left. His gaze- never leaving the screen that showed Light's room, revealed his concern about the person that he caused so much pain to.

'How could someone be so calm, so sensible when they are clearly dying inside because the one they love hurt them so much?' The answer to the question was obvious, but L dreaded it. He refused to even think about it as a possibility, he tried to find a more logical answer, so that there was at least 0.001 % chance that Kira didn't love him. The hours passed, but L couldn't think of anything.

"Light truly loves me!" the words escaped from his mouth. They were full with enthusiasm. L was happy, but his happiness didn't last. The reality hit him so fast and hard that it crushed him. He remembered how cold he acted , how much he hurt Light. Moreover, he realized that Light would never love him again. He lost his happy ending the moment he spoke those cruel words.

The emptiness L felt consumed every bit of his body and soul. Misery took over his heart. Agony passed through his veins. He had killed his only hopes of happiness without him even realizing it. He had chased the only person who would ever loved him away. He would be alone... forever.

His eyes again moved to the screen. Light was turning violently in his sleep. L hurried to Kira's room where the hazel eyed man was screaming.

"Please, don't leave me!.. L, I love you!"

**ᴥ†ᴥ**

Suddenly Light woke up... Someone had woken him up... with a kiss...

Until Light fully started to understand what had happened, he was all alone in the dark room.

Kira thought that what had happened was only his imagination, that no-one had kissed him.

His own mind was torturing him.

A tear dropped on his shirt. Another one followed. Then another one until he was feeling like he can drown in his own tears filled with misery and pain. He couldn't stop crying, but at least he was doing it in full silence. He couldn't scream because if he produces even the smallest cry, he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

A tear fell on his lips. He licked it wondering if true tears tasted differently from the others he had to fake...

The answer was ...yes...

They tasted just like cake... _strawberry cake..._

A smile touched his lips.

"I had enough with all your games," he whispered before leaving the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Confusion Chapter 3

"I know your secret, L," Light whispered, slowly pronouncing every word in the detective's ear.

L's heart started beating faster and faster, blood rushed in his cheeks, cold sweat covered his body.

'He knows my name... and he is going to kill me, but before that, probably use me to erase all evidence that he is Kira. Why? How?'

He took a deep breath. It was all falling down. His dreams, his hopes, his life shattered by four simple words, and the pieces scattered on the floor beneath waiting for someone, for him, to step on, and cut his pale skin in order to color his misery with blood. The whole idea of his blood running like a river on the cold marble floor was appeasing, soothing in a way. At least it would all be over. This madness would finally stop. His mind would rest for the first time in so many years. There wouldn't be this constant guilt reminding him that he is responsible for all the people Kira killed because he cannot solve the case. And he would not torture himself for what happened to Beyond because it was his fault. It was his fault that B was murdered by his lover... well, technically Light wasn't his lover, but still... It was his fault that Beyond wanted to suppress him because A went crazy and left his soul-mate alone.

His deranged mind could finally sleep.

No one, not even L himself, had expected that he would be glad to die, but facts are facts- he was just as guilty as Light for the deaths of so many, and he was happy to leave it all behind.

'What am I thinking?' The detective started questioning his own reason. Had he really lost his mind? Or was he acting like a depressed teen because of his unrequited love? He really hoped that it was because he was insane, and the other possibility was not only hilarious, but it also made him look weak. He did felt weak. Like every time Light looked at him, he started felling uneasy and his skin was burning. And when they touched, his heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it would break his ribcage. And when they kissed...

"Did you even hear me?"

L was torn from the labyrinth of his mind and the slippery slope of his thoughts. He was a detective for God's sake, and he still felt that he was just an intelligent ADHD kid that ate too much sugar. In fact, his mind was proof that he was.

He turned slowly in his chair in such a way that Light thought that the raven-haired man might even say "I was inspecting you," while petting a black cat. This, obviously, did not happen.

"Of course I heard you Light-kun! We are alone in this room. There is no possible way that I couldn't hear you," instead the older man said.

"So?" Coffee-stained eyes fixed on the detective expecting an answer.

"What exactly do you expect me to do?"

"Admit that you kissed me because," Light's face turned red, "you love me?"

Well, that certainly was a shock to L. He did not expect Light to know anything about the kiss or his love. And he blushed! The man was now sure why Light acted like a hormonal teen earlier that night. He loved him back. Or at least he wanted him.

"Why did you said that with a questioning tone? Are you unsure of the existence of my adoration? Or are you afraid of rejection which is highly unlikely to happen?"

At that moment a pair of luscious lips kissed his. Tongues crashed. A long kiss had to be broken. T-shirts were thrown on the floor. Pale skin touched and was covert with sweat.

Soft breath against Light's strong body. Kisses on the neck. Shaky boney fingers sliding down his back and undoing his belt buckle. Light licking L's body. Moans filling the room. Hands on hips that were crashing together. A whimper begging for more. More moaning and touching and licking and kissing. And it all tasted like cake. _Strawberry cake_.

And they both got what they wanted.

And the scent of sweat, lust and cake lingered in the air.


End file.
